What I've Learned After One Year of Marriage: Reflections from the Outer Banks

Kyle and I just returned from spending an amazing 3 days in North Carolina's Outer Banks in celebration of our first anniversary. Wait - really? I cannot believe I've been someone's wife for over a year now...and what a memorable year it has been! 

Ups. Downs. Flips. I've learned a lot, to say the least. For example...

1. I'm more selfish than I ever realized. When you're single, there are at least a few decisions in life that you can truly make alone. Once married, they all but vanish. In everything I do, I must consider Kyle. Hair appointment? Of course. Grocery list? Sure. New shirt? Yep. I cannot spend my money or my time selfishly and without regard to my husband. Why? Because he's my other half. 

2. The way someone argues says a lot about their character. If anyone says she never argue with her spouse, she's lying through her teeth. Arguments happen, and they can ultimately strengthen a relationship if they are truly learned from. More times than not, I learn more about Kyle in our moments of disagreement than I do in our moments of complete harmony. Why? Because, if taken positively, disagreement breeds conversation, consideration, and discussion. 

3. No newlywed knows what they're doing. It doesn't matter how many books you read, how much counseling you get, or how many friends and family members lend their advice...at the end of the day, you find out you must sometimes simply make it up as you go along.

4. Sillyness is a gift.  Kyle is constantly poking me or making a funny face or calling me a silly name. Sometimes, it annoys me to no end. But, one night in the Outer Banks, after 5 minutes of having the giggles, I realized that Kyle's love for sillyness is something that I should appreciate, not scorn. Life's a lot more fun that way. 

5. Plans are more like guidelines than actual rules. Captain Barbosa (from Pirates of the Caribbean) said the same of what he called "the Code." In the same way, plans are great, but they're no map to the future. This is a hard lesson learned for me, the quintessential Type A personality. 

6. Women will never understand men, and I'm okay with that. And by the way, the opposite is also true. This is a problem that used to plague my thoughts, and I was determined to overcome it. Now, it's almost a blessing...like a frustrating, insolvable, wonderful mystery. 

7. You need together time. Only 1 in 20 married women are blessed with a date night every week with their husband. 1 in 3 married women gets a date once every 7 months or less. I cannot stress this enough: Couples. Need. Time. Together. Kyle and I try to take a getaway every 5 or 6 months, and its amazing to see the difference when we get back. The week before we left for the Outer Banks, anyone could tell that we needed to get away. This year, we're going make our dates more consistent and our time together more sweet. 

Here's to another beautiful year. 

My Summer in Numbers

Because I have no classes this summer, I have no excuse not to spend some time bettering the world and myself. I believe that improving yourself takes two things: prayer first, and practice second. We all too often stop after prayer (or don't even start there at all!). So, in an effort to gain some practical accountability, I've set some measurable goals to be completed by August 22, 2011 (the first day of Fall classes), and I'm posting them here for all to see. 

1. Drink 100 ounces of water everyday.

This might be more of an experiment than a goal. Regardless, health and fitness gurus agree that, in order to lose or maintain a healthy weight, you should consume half of your body weight in ounces of water each and every day (for example, a person who weighs 160 lbs should consume 80 ounces of water every day). Doing so boosts metabolism, flushes out excess toxins and sodium, decreases bloating, and promotes digestive calorie burning! For me, this means consuming about 60 ounces on a daily basis. However, because I enjoy a cup of coffee each morning and work out at least 5 days per week, I'm upping my consumption by an extra 40 ounces. So far, I'm only on day two of this experiment, and it actually takes a little work. I have a wonderful little water bottle that has ounce markers on it, and it holds 25 ounces at a time. In order to meet my goal every day, I have to take the bottle with me everywhere and remind myself to drink it, but I'm thinking that this chore will soon become a habit.

2. Run 150 miles

DISCLOSURE: Run 150 miles total, not all at once! For my summer, this averages out to 10.7 miles a week - just a couple miles short of a half marathon. Because I started this goal on a Friday, my running distances will be totaled from Friday to Friday. For many of you, this goal may seem quite low, especially for someone who is supposedly a specialist in the health field. However, I unfortunately suffer from hyperflexible hip ligaments, which result in constant sprains and a lot of inflammation in my sacro-iliac joints. Because of this, too much running equals too much injury, and way too much pain. Thus, the humble 150-mile goal. 

3. Read 4 books, just for fun

Grad school has a funny way of making the word "reading" sound like a curse word. So, I'm on a mission to retrain my mind to love reading. For this summer, that means reading books that are mindless, emotional, and enjoyable - as opposed to intellectual, theological, and scholarly. I believe that I'll be starting the summer off right with Betty White's new memoir, "If You Ask Me," which I will soon be receiving from Kyle as a gift for our first anniversary (the first anniversary is traditionally the anniversary of paper). 

4. Share the gospel with 1 person.

This is not my strong suit. I'm much more of a "live out your faith" kind of girl, and actually confronting someone with the gospel in a loving and understandable way is quite terrifying to me. However, if a year at seminary has taught me anything, it's that people in this world are in need of the gospel, and Christian are often all too quick to ignore their needs. Because I'm a huge fan of what they call "servant evangelism" (serving others and meeting a physical need in hopes of opening a door to share the gospel), this goal will also include serving my community in a meaningful and tangible way. 

 *****

I have other goals, too, but they are a little vague and certainly not measurable...redecorate the bedroom, become a Southern Living-inspired cook, learn to love Kyle well, etc. As for the goals mentioned above, feel free to call me out on how they're going...I hate confrontation! Also, I'll be posting updates on each of these four goals throughout the summer, along with tips and insights should you find yourself interested in joining me on this wonderful adventure.  

Summer Lovin'

First year of Seminary? Check.

Primarily, this means two things: One, for the next 99 days, there will be no quizzes, no research papers, and no 100-page reading assignments to grace the presence of my thoughts; and two, there will be a significant increase in my blogging time. So, stay tuned for health news, summer goals, and personal reflections. 

To kick things off, I'd like to present to you the 5 things I'm loving right now. Perhaps you can enjoy them with me. 

5 Things I'm Loving Right Now 

Kitchenaid Mixer

Why? It really is worth its weight in gold. I've used many mixers in my life, but this is by far the best. In fact, sometimes I bake something sweet just to use my mixer. Crazy? Perhaps. 

 

Jergens Natural Glow Moisturizer 

Why? This lovely lotion costs about $6, and it really, truly doesn't turn your skin orange. Because I have not been able to enjoy the luxury of ample free time all semester, my skin is about two shades of pale lighter than I had hoped. Until my fortunes improve, this nifty little bottle keeps my skin glowing in the sun and not in the dark. 

 

Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge

Why? Okay, this is less than a "what" and more of a "who" I'm loving. Not only did Kate look cool, calm, and completely gorgeous on her big day, but she was photographed one week later at a public supermarket...pushing a buggy...and buying her own groceries. A few days ago, I saw a 20-something year old woman in a Range Rover waiting on her groceries to be delivered to her vehicle in front of Harris Teeter. Really? The newest member of England's royal family is humble enough to do it herself - perhaps you should follow in suit. 

 

The Color Orange

Why? Why not? This color is happy, it's unique...it's summer! Orange tunics, orange dresses, orange swimsuits, orange purses...I love it all. I'm loving the color so much, I even bought orange lilies to pot on my front porch.

 

Running

Why? Because it's good for you! To be fair, this is a new thing for me, and we still have a bit of a love-hate relationship. Nevertheless, nothing can replace quality cardio, and I've been feeling pretty adventurous since my hips have improved. More details on my new found relationship with running to come soon.